I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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