legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
