any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
