I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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