Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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