Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
