matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
