so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
