i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
