Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
