I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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