So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
