I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
