I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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