Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
