I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
