i need an iv and a liver transplant
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
