haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
