I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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