I wish I only lived at night.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
