I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
