Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
