im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
