a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
