you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
