Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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