I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
