I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
