It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
