She is in my trunk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
