i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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