K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
