I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
