I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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