I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
