Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
