Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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