I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I did not marry a roomba.
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