o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
