OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
