Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
