You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
