Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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