did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
