why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
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