Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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