Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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