plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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