He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
