this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
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