It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
