Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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