did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
